Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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