I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
