I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
