You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
