Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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