i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
