Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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