Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
