The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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