Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
