I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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