I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
