I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
