I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
