Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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