drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
