i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
