He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
