I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
