Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
