Someone shit on the floor
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
