Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
