I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
