I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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