Don't make out with my wife yet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
