Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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