Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
