My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In other news, I just burned my penis
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
