garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
