I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
