Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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