I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
