youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
