I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
