he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
