I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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