Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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