i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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