i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
