Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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