i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
