Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
