Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I want a musical about memes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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