I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
