btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
