I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
