We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
