are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
