That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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