I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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