youre lurking in front of me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
