All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
