I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
